Where To Woo Women Like A Gentleman

Manhattan is a veritable smorgasbord of women, with potential female mates abundant in all manner of size, shape and color. Unfortunately, it is not always clear where one might meet these women. Here, for your edification, are a few of Manhattan's most convenient breeding grounds.

Cooper Union Library – The Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art is many things—a world renowned art school, a highly selective architecture and engineering institution with a reputation for turning out some of the most talented artists and designers of our generation—a living testament to the very best artists this country has yet produced. What Cooper is not, however, is a conservatory for the socially well-adjusted. Simple social graces—opening doors for ladies, saying thank you—are lost on many an awkward engineering prodigy. If you happen to be lucky enough to be a member of one of the fine educational institutions represented by the Research Library Association of South Manhattan, Cooper is the place to be.

Dog Runs – Many Manhattan parks have ‘dog runs’—that is, runs for the dog. In other words, a patch of dirt where dogs can run around and poop. Be careful to avoid coming off as a creep, however—do your best to appear legitimate. Make sure that your dog really does belong to you and that he really does have to poop. Nothing is more off-putting to a dog-owning sex goddess than a guy with a bored looking stolen dog. Remember, you’ve got to love the dog more than her. Otherwise you’re just an asshole.

Staten Island Ferry – Classy, damn classy.

Burning buildings – Men who rush into burning buildings are, simply put, sex magnets. What’s more, Manhattan has an above-average concentration of flammable buildings. The key? Getting there before the fire department. As soon as those FDNY guys show up, all bets are off. For one thing, they’ve got a big shiny red truck and you don’t. (Also, studies have shown that the average FDNY firefighter has a larger penis than you do.)