Greenland, Frozen Menace

Greenland is roughly the size of the continent of South America. We know this by examining the world map as represented by the Mercator Projection. What we do not know, however, is exactly what the intent of the Greenlandish people is.

Are they friends? Or a sinister frozen foe? We really have no way of knowing.

Wikipedia is notoriously spartan on the Greenlandic dilemma. Prostitution in Greenland, for example, is a topic left uncovered. Thus, any who trek to Greenland risk running into trouble with the law, should it turn out that the world's oldest profession in unwelcome on the world's largest island.

The rest of the Internet is not much better. While a moderate amount of information can be gleaned about the situation present along the coast, little is known about Greenland's glacial interior. This presents a significant risk to the free world; any manner of evil shenanigans could be at work. A gigantic launching pad for a missile, for example. It's anyone's guess what's going on up there.

Greenland is a part of Denmark, only it isn't. Subject to a kind of half-soverignty, Greenland holds sovereign authority over everything that doesn't matter, like hunting seals. Everything else, including the provision of a military defense, is the responsibility of Denmark, the Red Menace of Scandinavia. In this way, we can albeit be assured that the Danes are up to no good in Greenland. Denmark is notorious for being full of shifty characters, like these guys.

In 1946, the United States offered to purchase the whole of Greenland for $100 million. It was hoped that Greenland might be utilized as a strategic Cold War defense point, providing crucial missile defense against the Soviet Union, Denmark's bastard cousin. Denmark, naturally, refused to sell. For some reason, we let this slide.

The time has come to step up and show the Danes we mean business. Time to take what is rightfully ours.

The Great Dane can not be allowed to rear his ugly head.